"Close your eyes. When I count to three and you open them, the past is gone, and the world is once again a beautiful place." ~ The Blind Side
Relationships are classrooms in which we learn and retreats in which we heal. They can seem to be the source of extreme opposites: Madly falling for you and excruciating heartbreak. They are appear to be the center of our drama, and breeding grounds (literally, for babies) and energetically for pain. By the time, in this day and age, people are in their early twenties, or even late teens, they have had enough of what we think of as "love" all together. We've pretty much settled down with our pain; "men are bastards, women are bitches, but man I can't get enough of the sex, or there just aren't any good ones out there, but goddamn I need some lovin'..." and so on and so forth. Although, in the U.S. the embracing of these outlooks have become our god in a sense; men who have a lot of sex are 'beasts,' and they spend their time trying to one up one another in the amount of, the kind of sex, which body parts, did she moan with pleasure at your magnificent moves in bed? Women get together, bitch about men and release our rage in the form of violent proclamations such as, "I'm gonna cut off his dick, that cheating, good-for-nothing son-of-a-bitch. "Goddamnit why won't he call? I'm going insane. Am I too desperate? Jesus Christ I must me...who could ever love a woman like that?" Then we label ourselves 'drama queen,' 'slut', 'pure, untouched and hateful, but holy virgin.' Any of this sound familiar to you? It does to me. I can not begin to tell you the suffering that my woman's heart has had to bare...but I stop here, and I won't go on to say the classic 'because of love", or "because of good-for-nothing men." It's because of neither, it's because I did not know who I was. It's because the past is all I knew. The past is another word really, for 'pain.' We are spiritual beings, and everything is energy. Every woman, whether she is conscious of it or not carries with her the collective suffering of all woman, and men carry it of men. We also all carry each others, of both sexes because in reality, we are not mad that men did not love us, or woman did not love us. We are mad because we can't seem to get past our pain in order to love each other. In reality we are terrified. The men and their 'beasting' desire 'to give pleasure to women' is actually a mask that masks the underlying fear saying 'I'm terrified of you, I know that way deep down inside you are a powerful, beautiful being of magnificent, Divine feminine energy, but you betrayed me with your snake-like tongue. I actually feel a terrifying rage towards you, but there's no way I'm gonna unleash it, that would be dangerous. So instead I'll turn the knives inward on my own heart. It hurts so much I can't stand it. I have no idea how to love you on the inside, so I'm gonna hide in my body and express it in the only way I know how; through sex, through physical pleasure, through the identity I like to call 'the beast.' Just underneath that layer, lies a pure and beautiful river that flows in the rough crags of the underworld, there is the light. The Prince of Peace, the Son of God. There is a tenderness that freaks the average woman out of her mind. It's the love of God.
A woman can't stand how desperate she is. She can't stand the fact that she hates you with an unquenchable passion, but seems to need the you with same passion. She can't stand it that she manipulated you with her tongue and suffocated you like a boa constrictor in order to get you in bed, get you to call, get you to tell her she's beautiful. Get you to love her. She can't stand the fact that you do, the boy inside has the utmost reverence and love for the female aspect of the Universe. I know, I've taught little children my whole life, boys in particular. The purity of the male reverence for the female presents is beautiful. It is of God, and always will be. In a little child, it is purely Spiritual. It has nothing to do with sexual desire, that comes later. Sexual desire is supposed to be held in the holiness of that Spiritual reverence. The presents of Divine love. Underneath her mask of "fuck off," is "I'm a so fucking desperate it's scary." Just beyond that is her salvation, it's the Peace of God. The love of God that reveals to her beauty, and her purity. Deep within her soul she loves you with a depth of heart that can not be described. She has no desire to manipulate you. She doesn't have to. She finally loves you from the inside, no strings attached.
Just beyond our pain is the same love we have deeply for one another, it's the love of God. We long to give each other, men and woman that love. Ultimately, we long to just be ourselves, which is love. Which is a mind totally at peace. I grew up in a faith that didn't allow dating of any kind. The only relationship you were allowed to have was your husband, or your wife. I came to realize that whether or not you have been with many woman or men, or one woman or man isn't what defines your purity, or whether or not you lead a good life. It's all in the way you choose to function from on the inside: out of the past, which is pain, which came from fear. Or out of who you really are, love. In A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson reflects on A Course in Miracles and the purpose of The Holy Spirit; the Holy Spirit works for God. Working for God means the healing of the Sons of God through love. The Holy Spirit brings people together to heal each other. People come together for work to be done: healing, growth, awakening. Marianne Williamson says in her book; when you are attracted to someone, what is the first thing you should do? Pray. Put the relationship, the experience under the hospices of the Holy Spirit. Ask that whatever happens, for whatever reason, because we all know the potency of relationships, that it all be so that "we return to love, that our minds be healed." We become the most neurotic when it comes to relationships, because they shine a bright light on all of our wounds. Most likely, the person you chose to date, although you feel a profound connection (which is in fact, the light of your true relationship with that person, eternal, unconditional, and deep), reflects to you, everything you can't stand about yourself. We think it's love that makes us lose our minds, when in fact we've already lost our minds, we've lost it to our pain. When the Holy Spirit sends someone, that person, consciously or unconsciously, is there to help us find our way home again. To "return our minds to it's true master, You, God, Love. Relationships don't bring us pain, we are already in pain. The purpose of relationships is the purpose of everything, love. Relationships make us conscious of our pain. But most of us don't know that we are not alone, that we are not our pain. We are far from it. We are one with God. The source of love. So we come together in our pain, horrified at what we see in ourselves, reflected in the other, and instead of giving it up to a higher integrity, and asking that our minds be released from our past through the experience, we thrust the knives deeper into our own hearts, as we thrust the knives of our rage into the heart of the other. Because whatever we do to others, we literally do to ourselves. It's a blessing that the present brings up the past. It's the Universe saying "it's time to grow, it's time to come into the light." The brilliance of God in relationships lies not in "perfection" (romance, sex, 'he calls me everyday,' 'she has the nicest ass, the most beautiful hair, the sweetest laugh...'), although all of those things, no doubt bring sweetness to our lives, they bring sweetness because we already feel within ourselves the beauty, the wonder, the perfect love that is our brother, or our sister. "When we fall in love, we are not fooling ourselves, we are seeing the most clearly for the first time; they are perfect...nobody is less than the perfect Son of God." (A Return to Love).
I grew up in a faith that condemns relationships. I grew up in a world that does the same; seeing from the fruits of most relationships, (pain, suffering, violence, heartbreak) both 'worlds' that we have created, are afraid, afraid of one thing, growth. Growing out of our fear and returning to the love, that is us. When I began to realize after many years, and reading A Return to Love is that not only are relationships not horrible (Church: Impure, 'not of God' and Society: You just get your heart broken, love means pain), they are the greatest blessing. Because, given to God and the Holy Spirit, you're in for the most beautiful ride of your life ~ a journey that brings you deeper into the reality of love. The Glory of God that resides in you, that you see reflected in your brother.
Ekart Tolle, Author of The Power of Now, talks about how we are identified with our past, instead of just knowing who we are, for "Your Self is still at peace, even though your mind is in conflict." (A Course in Miracles). This identification with the past is called The Ego. It is also called "the pain body." It is literally stored up pain, energy inside the body that has not been released. Relationships should exist for the very reason all things should exist, just as God made them and intended for them to exist; to love and be loved, and to multiply this love. Much of our work here on earth since the time as A Course in Miracles calls 'the separation' or The Divine Principle calls 'the fall of man' ~ basically when the seed of fear was planted in the mind of man and took over like a virus; burying the love that is who we truly are ~ our work has been to release ourselves from the past, namely our fear and heal this deluded sense of separation from God or love. when we feel separate from love, or God, the source and essence of all things, we will then feel separate, fearful and therefore judgmental towards each other. It's actually through each other that our Divine purpose comes to fruition and is realized. In our natural state, we do not judge, that is because we have no reason, created out of our delusions to fear. We feel that intimate connection belonging to all sentient beings. "Love is not neutral, love takes a stand" (Marianne Williamson) ~ when two people decide to undertake a journey together in love, it means that they have made the commitment in their minds and hearts 'to the healing of the son of God.' (A Course in Miracles). The healing of one each others minds and hearts. It doesn't matter if you're dating, you're married or unmarried and living together. "No relationship can or will end in pain when given to God and the Holy Spirit." (A Return to Love) It's purpose is recognized and carried forth in the minds and hearts of the individuals; to return to love. With this kind of resolve and constant commitment to this beautiful undertaking, one can only grow deeper in love. Love is always love, which is the same as saying; God is always God.